Recently, I’ve found myself feeling lost and confused as to where I am and where I’m headed education and career wise. Being stuck in a rut is an annoying phase of a chapter in life and you can feel as if you’re never going to overcome it.
If you’re reading this post and expecting me to tell you I’ve overcome this phase and I’m doing just fine… I’m going to be real with you. I’m still stuck. I’m writing this from a place of confusion and self-doubt. I’m doubting my choices at university, my choices within the fashion industry as a whole. Did I make the wrong decision? Or am I just going down the wrong path of the industry which isn’t for me? I wish I knew.
Let me just quickly interject and say; This post may be jittery and all over the place but I guess that is just a metaphor for how I’m actually feeling right now! Sorry to disappoint.
Anyways, I will start off with the issue of university. Now I am in no way slating the university I’m studying at, nor am I saying it’s been a hugely positive experience for me. I’m kind of in the middle. For me, having to decide where I wanted my career to begin and choosing a university degree to study on was a very difficult decision. I’ve never excelled in anything or known exactly what it is I want to pursue. (I’ve only very recently re-discovered my passion for writing, hence the start of this blog!) And in all honesty, here in the UK the primary age to start university is typically 18. To me, that’s a really young age to plan out the rest of your life! You’ve just come off the back-end of constant exams and studying. You’re young, confused and just finding yourself and you are expected to make this huge decision that could potentially set you up for life.
As of recently, and a few moments in the past, I’ve begun to think the decision I made to pursue a career in the fashion industry was the wrong choice for me. In all honesty, I chose the design course because it’s what I did best in school and I just thought I could stick it out. Have you heard of the saying ‘fake it till you make it?’ Well, 2 years into my degree I’ve stuck by that saying and I’m afraid the faking part is running thin. I’ve run out of the ‘passion for fashion’.
I see my peers at university genuinely engaged in the lectures and seminars and I constantly sit there thinking, I don’t belong here, why am I here? Mentally and physically it’s been draining and these past two months of this 2nd year 2nd term my patience has run low. The course itself isn’t helping either, if someone was to honestly ask me what I’ve learnt so far at university? You’d laugh because I’ve basically just thrown £13.5k down the drain for things that could’ve been self-taught on YouTube. All in all, I’m at the brink of letting the degree go and re-thinking my entire career choice.
Now some of you reading this may not be in education altogether, however, that doesn’t mean you’re not feeling lost and low on motivation. Something I’ve found to help me from wallowing in self-pity, is to keep productive. Do something, anything. For example, you may not want to focus on the work you have to do but you really enjoy reading. So take some time to do what you enjoy, maybe all you need is a break, a well needed rest away from your everyday routine. What I find is, sometimes I do the same thing day in day out that I get fed up of doing and seeing the same things, taking yourself out of those familiar surroundings can be a good refresher. Taking time to refocus is never a bad idea. Another thing is to give yourself something to look forward to, an evening with your friends at the end of the week, a mini getaway at the end of the month perhaps. Little rewards can keep you motivated to finish what you need to do so you can enjoy the happier moments in life! (Took my own advice here and booked myself a short trip to Venice at the end of this week! Blog post to follow).
Looking past all the negativity I’ve been spewing across this post, one positive aspect of being stuck in a rut is finding something I truly enjoy doing, writing! As a distraction and a new-found hobby I decided to start-up this blog which I find myself taking pride in whenever I get good feedback or I need to escape the workload from university. If I was to let the degree go, I would very much like to throw myself into this blogging thing and see where it takes me. Blogging to me means more outings, more adventures, more food, more shopping and many more MOMENTS to share with all of you!
I’m going to end this post here, because I could continue for thousands more words but I wouldn’t want to bore you to death. However, I’d just like to thank each and every one of you who has taken the time to read a blog post of mine, sent me private feedback or even told someone else about my blog. I will continue to work on this good aspect within my life.
And finally, I’d also like to give a quick mention to a YouTube video I recently watched by Estee Lalonde about being stuck in a rut which really helped me process my thoughts, you can give it a watch here!